The Question That Stopped Me: Why Am I Doing This?

A Reflection on Putting My Heart Into the Farm

Colt and I set aside at least 30 minutes every single night to have a conversation where we're both fully present. No phones. No TV. No kids. No animals...you get it. Just us, catching up on the day, making plans for the week, processing our thoughts, and talking about whatever is on our minds.

It's a commitment we made when we realized life had gotten so busy that we'd climb into bed and suddenly notice we hadn't really talked to each other all day.

It's been a lovely addition to our lives. If we go a couple of days without doing "our 30 minutes," as we call it, we start to feel a little disconnected. Last night was one of those nights. We've both been pouring ourselves into various projects. Show cattle season, fair season, and daylily season make for a very busy summer.

Out of the blue, he asked me, "Why do you do this?"

He was referring to the daylily business.

It was a fair question. A question that stopped me in my tracks and forced me to reflect on why I'm working so hard at this.

When I came to live on the farm, I didn't have an agricultural background. I didn't know anything about daylilies. I wasn't particularly passionate about them. So it makes perfect sense that he would ask why I'm investing so much time and energy into something I knew very little about when I started.

Suddenly, all the reasons came rushing to mind.

The question forced me to check myself and make sure my heart was in the right place. And that's exactly where the question landed—right in my heart.

I realized that I've fallen in love with our daylily farm. I've developed a passion that I never expected to have. But the question wasn't, "Do you love it?" The question was "Why?"

If you know anything about me, you know I love my family.

I was raised in a busy Catholic household with two hard working parents and eight loud, opinionated, independent, talented children—mostly girls. Family has always been the most important thing in my life.

My friends in high school predicted I'd be the first one in our group to get married and have kids. That isn't exactly how things worked out, but I always wanted a family of my own.

Today, my family consists of my husband, my father-in-law, and my husband's children. I never got to be a mom myself—sometimes life takes a different path than the one you planned.

But I'm getting away from my point.

When I joined this family, I found my father-in-law trying to keep alive something he and his wife had built together.

Sheila VanNatta passed away before I ever had the chance to meet her, but through stories, photos, and memories shared around the kitchen table, I feel like I know her.

The more I learned about Sheila, the more fascinated I became. She overcame a difficult childhood, educated herself, worked harder than most people I've ever known, and turned a dream into reality by building a daylily farm.

I've always admired strong women. I was raised by them. Inspired by them. Surrounded by them.

But what struck me most wasn't just Sheila's work ethic.

It was her grace.

Everyone describes her as patient. Steady. The kind of person who didn't raise her voice or react in anger.

When I was younger, I might have mistaken those qualities for weakness. Now that I'm older,

I understand something different. Real strength isn't losing control. Real strength is having control and choosing kindness anyway.

If I were writing Sheila as a character in one of the novels I love, she would be the wise woman sitting quietly in the corner, speaking softly but commanding the attention of everyone in the room. The kind of person whose presence is felt long after she's gone.

So how does Sheila fit into my "why"?

She isn't the only reason I work so hard at the daylilies, but honoring a woman who embodied grace seems like a pretty good place to start.

I cherish the stories Matt and Colt share with me about her. I hope that when my own life is over, someone has something kind to remember me by.

So I remember Sheila, even though we never met.

Like I mentioned before, my "why" extends beyond honoring Daylily Connection's founder.

I'm a worker bee.

It's my nature to set my sights on something and try to make it better than I found it.

The values instilled in me show up in all of my siblings. My brother Phil owns a company whose motto is: "Leave It Better Than You Found It."

You really can't find a better summary of how we were raised.

I try to instill that lesson in my stepson too, especially when it comes to his bathroom, but that's still a work in progress. :)

I genuinely want to make Daylily Connection better. I want to leave my mark on this land in a positive way.

And that brings me joy.

Just last weekend, a visitor said, "You guys are doing a good job revitalizing the farm."

There it was.

That's the feeling.

She made my year with that compliment and didn't even know it. Thank you, Jane.

Maybe that's the real answer to Colt's question.

I do this because I love my family.

I do it because I want to honor Sheila.

I do it because I believe in leaving things better than I found them.

I do it because I want Daylily Connection to thrive long after I'm gone.

And maybe, years from now, someone will walk through these gardens and say, "Jessica had a hand in this place."

Honestly, that sounds like a pretty good legacy to me.

Sheila with baby, Colt